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Showing posts from July 8, 2012

Porcelain God, Dethroned.

Last night, at 8 o'clock pm, as I was attempting to get the toddler to sleep, Big V decided to rip out the toilet in our only functioning bathroom. Because 5 years ago I had walked out of that same bathroom and, after sitting on that same toilet, announced that it was wobbly and probably would need to be re-set.

Of course, I had mentioned the wobbliness, the rocking, the fact our toilet could perform a complete 180-degree swivel and how there was no longer any trace of the caulk that once sealed the base of the toilet at the floor which meant I was now getting a puddle dripped on to my washing machine in the basement below every single time one of the kids took a bath and created their oh so fun tidal wave storms, perhaps once or twice, or roughly 8,762 times throughout the past 5 years.

But he picked 8pm on a Thursday.

Armed with the knowledge that all local hardware stores were closed for the evening and there was a 99.3% chance he wouldn't have all the parts he needed, Big …

I Eat 80 Sugar Cubes A Day. And you?

This morning, at the only store open on my way to work, the normally crabby Check Out Clerk again, robotically scanned my items: much needed case of Coke (for the caffiene), much needed bag of PopChips (for the crunch), and much need small bag of M&M's (for the PMSing beast getting ready to rage inside my body).

Except this time, instead of heavily sighing before she rattled off the total in sales, she changed things up. Today, as I was rummaging through my purse for my debit card (mostly as an excuse to avoid eye contact) she said to me "You are just the cutest pregnant girl I've ever seen!" And I looked around to see who she was talking to because I. am. not. pregnant.

And she went on, "Just look at that cute little baby belly! You know, I've always hated girls like you - that look so cute pregnant. You an't even tell you're pregnant from the back. Me, well, I ballooned up so big no one could tell if the baby was coming out of my belly or my b…

I Saw Neil Diamond In Concert And Have The Back Sweat To Prove It

Last night, Big V and I went to a concert. A real grown-up concert at the World's Largest Music Festival called Summerfest in Milwaukee, WI.

I actually thought we'd be the youngest ones there - but we weren't! (We were close to being the youngest ones there, of course. But we weren't.) It was a lot of fun to yell out "we weren't even born yet!" when Mr. Diamond would introduce a song he wrote/performed back in 1960-something.

Anyway, since The Jazz Singer's in high demand we could only afford the bleacher seats. Bleacher seats (1) have no back, and (2) have no defined sides so Big V was all don't get all weird if you accidently touch someone. And I was all what are you even talking about? It's not going to be that bad...

 ... but, my god, it was. It was VERY bad. It's accepted ettiquette to put your knees on either side of the person sitting in front of you, but I got stuck in front of Green Shirt Guy who happened to be extra wide. H…