Skip to main content

Would you like my AUTOGRAPH?!

I have been recognized.

Fame is catching up to me. Before long the paparazzi will be swarming my car as I attempt to navigate through the local Starbuck's drive-thru because I have been recognized for my writing!

I was working late last night, partially because I had work to finish up, but mostly because I was meeting friends a couple blocks away for a cast get-together and script brainstorming session, and really, it made no sense to drive around for an hour just to pass the time, especially since it was snowing, so basically I was just staying warm in my office and not really working, but you get what I mean.

Anyway.

The cleaning lady came in. I don't usually see the cleaning lady because, let's be honest, I want to get the heck out of there as soon as humanly possible (except on days when I'm meeting friends a couple blocks away and there's a sub-zero blizzard making its way through town).

She smiled at me in that "great; now I've got to empty this can of garbage in front of someone who thinks they're better than me" kind of way which, honestly was the furthest thing from my mind. I was actually sitting there thinking, "gosh, it must be nice to come to work and not have a single soul around you that you have to suck up to. I'd be swiffering with my iPod on max, happy as can be. *sigh*" I didn't think it was fair to be hanging out at the desk when she had work to do (especially staring at her in that dreamy I'm-so-jealous-of-you kind of way) so I started packing things up. She kept giving me these sideways glances which made me think I wasn't moving fast enough so I tossed the last of my crap in my bag, smiled sweetly and said good night.

That's when she spoke: "uh, do you, um, know Elizabeth Martin?"

"Yeah, actually, I do."

"Oh my god!" she gushed. "I totally love all your comments you leave on her Facebook page! You are so funny! That one you left about the plants on steroids for a science project was hilarious!"

Yep. I know. I'll be signing autographs soon.

Comments

Your facebook comments ARE stinking hilarious.

Popular posts from this blog

The House that God Built

in·stan·ta·ne·ous /ˌinstənˈtānēəs/ adjective 1. occurring or done in an instant or instantly.
synonyms: immediate, instant, on-the-spot







The thing is, she died so sudden.
I didn't have the chance to plead with God, to make all the irrational promises. If he would just let her be okay.... I would start taking better care of my health. I would be nicer to the neighbor that drove me crazy. I would always let someone else go in front of me at Walmart no matter how long the line was. I wouldn't complain. Ever. I would volunteer at the Homeless Shelter. I would clean up after pigs. I would clip the toenails of the elderly. I would do anything and everything He would ask me to do....
There is a box on her death certificate that captures the amount of time between the initial injury and the time of death. It reads "seconds." I wish it read "instantaneous" because she deserves a clever word like that.
Fast forward five years.... definitely taking MUCH longer than "…

Seeing Avery All Grown Up

One day I'll tell you about the freezing cold we left and the heavy bags we lugged, full of supplies and medicines. I'll tell you about arriving in Port au Prince and walking across a cracked concrete parking lot to board an old school bus with a flat tire. How the heat was suffocating after months of below zero Wisconsin winter weather, how the people crowded and walked too close to moving traffic as we searched for a tire shop that was barely more than a couple men sitting on overturned 5-gallon buckets on the side of the road next to a pile of old tires, everything covered in dirt.

I'll tell you about waiting on the bus while they removed the tire and I'll recall the loud explosion that rocked the bus and scared the life out of me and how I was relieved to learn it was just the tire blowing after being filled too far. (They didn't have any gauges.) And then I'll tell you about the fear I felt when I realized we didn't have a tire and we were stuck on th…

When Your Imagined Life is Nothing Like This One

There were so many ways I imagined my adult life would be....THIS is not one of them.
I posted that on my Facebook wall last night. It might have been seen as funny except my choice of hashtags gave me away:
treading water getting nowhere piles of disappointment not many successes worn out and exhausted out of options

I always imagined my life would be thrilling. Full of exciting adventures and people from all over the world. I would dine at Ethiopian, Thai, and Indian restaurants. I would write books, teach English, coach forensics and direct the play. My husband would be charming and funny and not care about gender roles when it came to household chores. He would beg for at least six kids and I would fall in love with him all over again each time I caught him giving good life advice.
I would take photographs and travel the world documenting the people I came across. I would adopt a sibling group of three or maybe four and work on foster care policies because the ones we have aren't work…