Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Gymnastics Wannabe

I have always been impressed with gymnasts. Perhaps because I'm the least flexible person alive. I've never been able to do that bend & reach test in gym class. My legs don't even lay flat against the ground. It would take every ounce of my being just to reach down to my thighs. I'd be left grunting and groaning, begging myself to 'just. reach. knee....' while surrounded by the most flexible humans on the face of the planet. "Good job, Mary Sue!" the teacher would praise. "I love how you can get your head under you legs and reach out three feet past your toes!"

Jelly Bean took gymnastics for quite a while. All the coaches said the same thing "she's a natural." And she was. Is. She just has this way about her that screams "gymnast." But, as is most things with the Bean, she judges herself against everyone better than her, and quits. I'd point out she was only ten and these girls were 16 and their mothers put them in gymnastics the day they stopped breastfeeding. But she insisted that she wanted to quit. (If she's not the best, she doesn't want to subject herself to the redicule she believes in her heart she's going to get.)

Dotter takes gymnastics. She loves it. She is not good at it. She is all knobby knees and gawky arms. But she is SO PROUD and SO SERIOUS and I can't help but have tears in my eyes when I watch her.

But I have lots of faith in my future Gymnastics Olympian Cletus the Fetus. Last night s/he was practicing this amazing move where he placed his little hands down on my pelvic floor, bent his body into the perfect handstand, legs extended, toes pointed perfectly (I could tell this because they were in my throat and all I had to do was open my mouth and say "Ahh" and sure enough - perfectly pointed toes!). Then he lowered his legs into the splits - still on his hands - head bulging out right above my panty line, one leg sticking out of the right side of my rib cage, the other leg sticking out of the left side. And then, as if that wasn't amazing enough, he started to slowly move his hands in such a way that his legs acted like the main rotor of a helicopter! In a complete 360-degrees he circled my womb with legs stretched outright!

I am so proud of my little gymnast-to-be. However, I will have to speak to Cletus the Fetus about being aware of the space around him when he practices these moves. I believe I have a punctured spleen, my liver has been hacked in half and my kidneys are missing some pieces. I mean, some of this stuff may not be important to him, but it's special to me, and I don't want him disrespecting his surroundings or his mother's belongings... especially of the internal organ kind.

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