Claim Your Single Anniversary

 

August 31, 2021 is the day I claim as 'Day One of My Beloved Singlehood'. It's actually way more complicated than that. Simply put, I was involved in a toxic enmeshment that went on far too long so, while there was no physical entanglement for quite awhile before that date, they were a part of my life that made it completely impossible to carry on with another in a healthy manner. So, August 31, 2021 is as good a day as any to start counting.

Being single is just as amazing as being in a committed relationship and should be celebrated with an anniversary just as much as a marriage can be. In fact, I would argue perhaps it deserves to be celebrated even more so. 

Our society is set up for couplehood. Shoot, the cost of a mortgage alone is proof of that. Most housing options are designed under the assumption two people will be sharing the space and the cost. There's also Valentine's Day and then Sweetest Day lest we forget being in a relationship should garner an entire nationwide marketing campaign twice in one year. (To be fair, there is National Singles Day which takes place on the Saturday of Singles week in September in an effort to recognize the nearly half of the U.S. population who, whether by choice or circumstance, remain unattached - but my guess is you've never heard of it.) As a society we celebrate dating, engagements, and weddings, followed by daily reminders posted throughout social media that they have something you don't: an anniversary.  

Personally, I love being single. I watch what I want to watch on Netflix. I get to sleep in and not feel judged. I set the thermostat to where I want it. I don't have to put my hand inside a dirty sock that belongs to another able bodied person and turn it right side out in order to ready it for the wash. There are no droppings of facial hair in my bathroom sink. I don't have to come to an agreement about what color car I want to drive, or where to go on vacation, or justify my desire to attend library programs that are otherwise deemed as "lame." I make, save and spend my money the way I choose. I eat girl dinner or take out or fancy dinner at my own whim. My independence is fierce and valued and something I'm actually quite proud of. This life I am living gets to be mine and I have to remind myself not to feel sorry for people who have to check with their significant other before being able to make a decision.

I'm not depressed or sad or feel less than because I don't have a committed partner. I'm not angry or a "man hater" or jealous of those in loving relationships. If someday I find someone worthy of sharing my life, great! If I don't, great! The joy and success of my life is simply not contingent on being with someone. Though I do have some complaints. I mean, I could do without always getting stuck at the singles table at weddings. I understand the ease for seating arrangements but I'll send my regrets and a gift rather than risk being stuck with your crazy cousin who only eats warm tuna and your neighbor that monopolizes the conversation about his competitive duck herding hobby. It is a let down when your coupled friends are seated together at table 7 and you're squished in the back corner by the bussing station at table 14 with the other solos.

But the thing that really irritates me is the lack of anniversary celebrations for singles. Being solo in a coupled world takes grit. It is so easy to settle for someone less-than just so you could have someone scrape the ice from the windshield or carry the heavy boxes down from the attic. It's easy to put up with someone because they have a decent pay check even if you learn you don't have much in common. Being solo means handling it all. Figuring out a way to install the window air conditioner units, or who to call to fix the glitchy electrical outlet. It's leaning on yourself to plan a vacation or how to handle your estate in the event of your death. When you have surgery you need to cast a wider net finding a ride home from the procedure. It's up to you and you alone to call the insurance company, get the lawn mowed, pay the bills, make the money to pay the bills, clean the house, decide to rent or buy, decide to stay or move... and while one of the greatest things about being single is having the autonomy to make every decision the fact remains, you have to make every decision. The mental load can be exhausting. Plus, if something goes wrong you only have yourself to blame.

After all this work I feel celebrating an anniversary of your successful singlehood once a year is beyond well deserved. In fact, there should be cards dedicated to single anniversaries and dinner deals at fancy restaurants and a free massage for those celebrating independence. 

For this reason, I will be celebrating my Single Anniversary this year on August 31st - which also happens to be National Eat Outside Day. I might celebrate with a picnic.