Stop Thinking the Answer is Moving in with Him

Our society puts a lot of pressure on girls to look a certain way. Those tall boots you bought last season need to be replaced with ankle boots for this season. Your hair needs to be colored because your natural color isn’t enough. Your nails need to be done, your make up perfect, and your pictures on social media will be dissected so you need up to date home décor for the background. You need a new car and a new phone and a new purse.

That’s a lot for one young person to afford.

Somehow you’ve got it in your head that if you just move in with your man (or some guy you start dating), he can take care of the rest: the house, the utilities, yardwork, the groceries, etc. On top of that, he should take you out for dates regularly because you’re young and you don’t wanna be a loser sitting at home. Besides, what’s the point of getting your hair done if no one gets to see it?

This is an incredibly selfish way of thinking.

You have the dream of the house and car before you have the vision of your relationship; what you need in a relationship, what you want in a partner. Start imagining your partner and if you are the right kind of person for him - stop imagining the dining room furniture. You rush into moving in so you can plan parties with your friends without understanding the person you’ll be living with.

What will you gain by moving in together? I bet you know the answer to that without thinking too hard. What will he gain?

We’ve got so many young, broken men. Broken financially from having to start over and over each time the live-in girlfriend decides the relationship itself isn’t working and she’s going to take all the furniture and décor with her because it’s girlie and she picked it out and he doesn’t like it anyway.

And our men are emotionally broken because they’ve been so busy working to fulfill these ridiculous standards and requirements they never had time to figure out who they are as a person, what they want in life, what they want in a relationship. They’re hurt, angry, and feel used. They don’t trust anymore.

And you know what the world tells them? “Be thankful it wasn’t an actual divorce! That’s even more expensive!” We might as well be saying, “don’t ever commit to marriage; it will cost you even more than playing house with the first girl who pushed you into it.”

So, girls, how do you afford to live on your own when you know you can’t afford to live on your own because it’s too expensive for anyone young to live on their own?

Well, you can get a roommate! Did you know you can rent a room from someone? Or, if you have a home you can rent a room out? Did you know that you and a friend could actually rent a one-bedroom and share the bedroom? Like a dorm room. Only bigger.

Get four of your friends together and rent a 3-bedroom house. Convert the dining room into a bedroom. We all did that in college... but usually with double the roommates to rooms ratio.

I guarantee you’ll treat your roommate much more fair and respectfully than your boyfriend you live with. You'll learn to ask nicely, negotiate household responsibilities, be respectful of each other's space and time. It will be good for you to learn to do things for yourself - like budgeting. It will teach you what your financial priorities are before you commit to a long term, loving relationship.

Guess what? If you don’t save money on your own you’re not going to go into a relationship saving. And don’t tell me you don’t have enough money to save anything. You will save $1 a paycheck if saving money is truly important to you.

If you spend $5 a day at Starbucks on your own it’s unlikely you’ll suddenly stop your $1,200 a year habit cold turkey just because you moved in with that cute guy.

Figure your own self out. It’s the best thing you can do for yourself.

And give our men time to figure themselves out. It's the best thing you can do for them.

This is real life. Not a game.