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Showing posts from July 14, 2013

In the Midst of Tragedy: Where is my God?

I was speaking with a group of people last night about Avery and how I felt called to tell her story. Hers is one of faith and belief and love and God. I've heard a thousand times and more that I should write a book, as if it were as easy as jotting down a list of things to pick up in town. I cannot explain how scary that idea is. Not to write the words; the words are the easy part. It's having to make my heart go back there again.

Not a day goes by when I don't get hit. A song. A sun. A smell. A smile. And I must stop myself from doubling over and crying out, oh, Avery! I just want you back! I just want to hold you! See you one more time!

The hurt is so incredibly raw. Caustic. I remember how bad my throat hurt from squeezing together my pain, holding it back from erupting in all the inappropriate places; so many inappropriate places. At the checkout lane. In front of a client. In line at the DMV. Sitting stoic in the church pew. At a meeting discussing building setbacks…