Stumbling Towards Perfect

I was pretty young when I first heard the saying, " Love is a choice ." I thought it was stupid. I thought there is no way to simply decide to love someone; that you either did or didn't. It wasn't as simple as choosing to make meatloaf for dinner. If you choose to love this person then you will. Also, you will be eating meatloaf. I had a lot to learn. You see, the saying isn't " To Love Someone is a choice " - it's " LOVE is a choice ." Love. It's right there. All you have to do is choose it . And to understand that you have to understand what all your other choices are: love, yes. But also hate. Or cruelty. Or indifference. Or  avoidance. See, at any moment, in any given situation, you have sitting before you a table dressed in emotions. It's yours for the taking - what are you going to pick? Standing in a line that's way too long, in the hot sun, tired and sore, just wanting a drink of water, and you see three...

The other day I posted this on  Facebook  attempting to be encouraging, inspirational and faith-filled:   Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. [1 Thessalonians 5:16-18] It's hard to give thanks in ALL circumstances, yet this is what God calls us to do. Sometimes, it's easier to give thanks in all the GOOD circumstances - and to complain about the yucky ones. But God tells us to give thanks ALWAYS. No matter what we're going t hrough. Some nights, getting a three-year old to bed leaves me feeling anything BUT thankful. I'm frustrated with his excuses, exhausted from my busy day and ready to fall into bed. It's hard to feel thankful when battling for bedtime. Yet, there is so much to be thankful for! I have a spirited child who is healthy and strong! I have a home that keeps us warm and thick blankets to keep us warm. And I am able to use this time to practice something God always s...

Sorry, kids, I don't do birthday parties. Once upon a time, I had imagined I would. I pictured coordinated decorations and pleasant conversation and smiles and laughter and everyone getting along... and then I hosted a birthday party for Jadrian when she turned 5. Or 6. I don't know - I blocked it out. That was it. First birthday party hosted. Last birthday party hosted. End of story. Avery never had a birthday party. Avery always wanted a birthday party. And so here I sit, wondering why I never gave her a birthday party. Avery deserved a birthday party. Avery deserved the biggest, bestest, most awesomest birthday party ever! Avery deserved epic. Instead, Avery had to settle with a mom who just didn't want to deal with the complex characters of small children. And so, I protected my sanity and decided I would not do birthday parties. End of story. Oh, but how she asked. Instead, I tried really hard to make up for the lack of party. Each birthday she ...

From that very first birthday, we are told to  make a wish and blow out the candle! We learn about the magic of a shooting star streaking across the night sky. We're handed coins from our daddy's pocket to toss into a fountain, as he reminds us to be careful and wish for just the right thing. We   learn quickly how to make wishes, and continue to make them everyday. I don't believe we ever stop wishing. But... "It's not about making wishes, it's about fulfilling them." At least, this is what author MAXIMILIAN A. TIMM , wants us to understand. Max is the author of the upcoming Young Adult fantasy novel, The WishKeeper.  And it's a book you're going to want to get your hands on. What good is a million wishes if you don't try to fulfill even but one of them? *Awesome side note: the main character's name is Shea, which happens to be Jadrian's middle name. **Awesome side note #2: another character's name is...

It's the first day of school. I know this for two reasons: (1) I've been dreading it, and (2) every post on Facebook is reminding me of it. Scrolling through picture after picture filled with toothless grins, perfectly parted hair, brand new backpacks and shoes without a single scuff, I find that most accompanying comments mention something along the lines of time goes so fast ... I know what happens when time stops .   Avery absolutely loved school. Loved it! She wasn't a big fan of homework (we had more than our share of "angry Math") but rather felt her school was her home. She saw her teachers not just as rulers of the classroom, but as people who cared for and loved their students; as fill-in Moms and Dads she was blessed with during the hours I was at work. She could tell me everything about any kid in her school. She knew their name, where they lived, if they had any siblings or pets and what they liked to do for fun. They weren't just ...

 Jadrian, surfing in Tamarindo, Costa Rica 2013 I spend a lot of time on my blog talking about missing Avery. It brings me tears and breaks my heart over and over and it takes my breath away just as it did that very second on October 24, 2012, when I learned she had died.  But I also know that Avery is in an incredible place. There is no more hurt for her. She will never feel pain or cry or worry or ache or want. There is nothing more soothing to a Mama's heart than knowing your child is happy, healthy and in good hands. Although the hands she rests in are not mine, whose better to be in than God's? It's strange, though, how my mind can split into three places at the same time: missing terribly Avery, trying to deal with whatever in-the-now thing is happening (make dinner, put on Brody's shoes, vacuum the rug) and praying for Jadrian. I pray for her every single second of every single day. My heart does not rest. I believ...