Wednesday, June 27, 2012

It puts the lotion in the basket.

I came home last night and found Big V re-enacting his favorite Silence of the Lambs scene in our garage. It was making me nervous seeing him so close to the edge of our Body Dungeon, or cistern, if you want to be politically correct about it. Then he told me that he had already been inside the pit because there was a hole in the middle of the pit floor and he wanted to see how deep it really was. Because the pit itself is pretty deep, but the hole in its dirt floor might possibly go all the way to the center of the earth which would totally explain the amount of earwigs, iron and nickel, and the lack of Chinese at our house. Because the antipodal point of my house is somewhere in the middle of the Indian Ocean between South Africa and Australia and I don't think there's a lot of Chinese floating around that area of the ocean waiting to be sucked into Wisconsin through a hole. I always thought if I dug a hole I could dig all the to China. Apparently only if I live in Chile or Argentina. Who knew? I know, I was a tad disappointed, too.

Anyway, Big V told me it was a tad tricky getting in and out of the pit because it is really, really deep and he didn't know when I was coming home. Then I explained that I stopped on my way home for pizza and ran into my sister and some other cool people at the pizza joint and got stuck talking and I would have totally come home straightaway had I known he might possibly be stuck in a Body Dungeon because obviously I would want a picture of that.

Then he told me he had put the ladder in the pit because when he thought about it, had he actually gotten stuck in the pit I probably wouldn't have done anything to help get him out. And I said that wasn't fair, because of course I would help him get out because I still needed him to fix that stupid smoke detector I smacked off the ceiling with the broom when it kept chirping that annoying dead battery alert. I just might not have done anything immediately to help but eventually I would have.

Then I asked him how deep the hole was in the floor of the pit and he said, "pretty deep." And I said, "how deep?" And he said, "well, I don't think it has a bottom." And I said, "how do you know?" And he said, "see that 6' long board propped up against the wall?" And I said, "yeah." And he said, "it never found its way to the bottom." And I said, "huh. That's pretty deep. Maybe you shouldn't have gone in it if no one was home. You  might have gotten sucked into oblivion" And then he said, "oh, I had my phone with me." And I said, "what?! That was stupid! You could have lost it in a bottomless pit! I've never met anyone who loses phones more often than you do! Next time you go in a pit you should make sure your phone is safely on the kitchen counter." Then he stared at me with one of those looks that says perhaps I ought to find out just how much the payout on my life insurance policy actually is.

Anyway. He filled the Body Dungeon with gravel yesterday so there goes my fun.