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Showing posts from January 20, 2013

AVERYday: Heaven is for Real - Part 22

It's the phone.

The one I was so blessed was forgotten and left at home on Wednesday, October 24, 2012. Avery's phone. I am so grateful to have the 87 photos of our cat and the 20 pictures of landscapes and her friends and the singular photo of us together, smiling direct into the camera.

I watch her videos. There are only a few. In one she introduces the viewer to her brand new trombone. (She only had a few lessons.) In another she proudly shows off her volleyball uniform. (She was so excited to play!) In another she watches Brody play the piano, encouraging him to sing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star along the plucked out tune. (He had just turned three; it was totally unrecognizable.) In two of the videos she's singing Christian songs I have never heard before. The screen is black, as if covered by her hand, or turned face down on a table, as if to stress to the viewer that it was the words that were most important, not the face of the person singing it. And I hearher voi…

AVERYday: Dancing in the In Between - Part 21

"Blame is a vicious card to play, and like guilt, generates useless emotions. But nonetheless, blame rears its head when there is no plausible reason to attribute to devastating loss. Blame robs you of objectivity and assigns fault where there is none. Anything, anything at all could have and would have changed that fateful day. The fingers were pointed everywhere, and none gave us the reasons we so needed to hear. When you lose your child, there is no reason good enough for their death." - Maria Malin, author of When You Just Can't Say Good-bye, Don't

As a grieving mother, I have purposely chosen how I would like to move forward in my healing. Understand, it is not the way you might grieve, or you, or you, or you. In fact, everyone grieves in such a personally, uniquely intimate way that I do not expect anyone to have ever before grieved the way I have, nor do I expect anyone to grieve this same way in the future.

I have chosen to see joy and light and goodness. I …