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Showing posts from September 16, 2012

Texts From the Teen: A Variation

Sometimes I post texts I receive from my teen daughter. This is like that, except I'll post the texts I received from my sister, who was with my teen daughter. So, they're texts about my teen, not from my teen. A variation of a theme, if you will. It's actually more of a narrative delivered in text form. Anyway.... here are the texts I received from my sister about my teen:

This may require email rather than text... Teen: (standing in kitchen) "I have to pee so bad!" (does not move.) "But I'm not going to go. I'm going to hold it." (confused aunt pause) "You know, just to see how long I can." (more confused expressions from her aunt) "What? Don't you ever do that?" Aunt replies: "I can see that would be appropriate if we were in a Third World Country or if the only option was a nasty porta-potty... but we are in our house."

A few minutes later... Teen: "How many glasses of water do you think I can drink?"…

For Ruthie.

She's gone.

That's the text that stopped my breath. I knew it would. I knew it the second I saw it there, waiting. See, G shouldn't have been texting me. Because she's supposed to be spending time with her Mom. Her beautiful, lovely, sweet, tender mother. Her mother, who was supposed to grow old. Much, much older than this. And as long as G was not texting me and not calling me and not able to meet for dinner and drinks then I knew everything was still okay. I knew that they were busy together, laughing, cracking up over old stories. They were busy together holding hands, drinking tea. Looking out the window in silence. They would both still be here. Together.

In my heart I knew the next text I would receive from G would be the hardest one she would ever send to me. I was dreading that text. And it crippled my heart to know that she - my dear friend with the heart of a million good deeds, who walks the earth capable of only what is good, and kind, and right - that she …

It's Always Sunny Where I Live, Too

I always feel a twinge of sadness for the person who watches a sitcom and says, "whose life is like that in real life anyway?" because obviously their life is incredibly boring and that's obviously very sad. Because some people's lives really are like a sitcom.

For example some people in real life have actual conversations with their siblings that start of like this: So, I was googling how to collect dog semen.... and that just seems entirely normal. What is not entirely normal are the ways the internet suggests to actually collect the dog semen. (I advised contacting the local police department to ensure no lines are accidently crossed.)

And some people have real jobs that include working with someone who walks in and announces: So, this guy asked his neighbor for a sledgehammer so he could kill his pig and left the pig entrails in the garden covered up by cabbage leaves and now the neighbors are complaining about the smell. To which any normal person (who has watc…

From There to Here in 3 Short Years

There is just something magical about the first awareness of a birthday.
"It's my birthday! I going to be three! I so excited!!"

His wishes were simple: new shoes for preschool and a red backpack.
Daddy let him pick out his own birthday cake. It had Winnie-the-Pooh on it and sat in our refrigerator for a full 24 hours; being checked on and pointed out every ten minutes.
"That'smy birthday cake! I so excited!!"
He could hardly get to sleep: "Tomorrow's my birthday! I so excited!!"
Our prayers included blessing Grammy and Papa and Great Grandma and our birthday cake.
He literally jumped out of bed the next morning, arms flung wide: "It's my birthday! I so excited!!"
He dressed himself in his big boy underwear, light blue shirt and khaki shorts.
"I go church and Sunday School and sing music for my birthday! I so excited!!"
He skipped through the parking lot: "I hear the music! I so excited!!"
After church se…